Dreamer

Am I a dreamer for wanting romance in my life? I know what I see in movies is not realistic, but some of it can be, no? I mean, all it takes is some effort. Isn't it worth it to make that special someone feel good just by doing a little something that you know will make them gush?

It can be as simple as telling them what you really feel. No holding back to save face...if you feel it, just say it!

Sometimes I feel uncertain...so much of the unknown.

Sun Run 2007

What was I thinking? Sun Run...me? ahahahahaha. Yep, that's what I signed up for this year. I ho & hummed for a long time, but in the end agreed to do the Sun Run this time. Train for the 10k run? I had every intention but...well, it just didn't happen. heh heh. Before I realized, it was already the week of the big run! Eeks! All I managed to do was 20 minutes on the treadmill a few days before the Sun Run on April 15!

I intended to walk the whole thing but part way through I felt the adrenaline rush. I CAN DO IT! And so, I started jogging. Wow, amazingly it was pretty fun. With my iPod blaring and the crowd around me I felt great! Between some fast strolling and slow jogging I thought I did pretty good. I didn't need an ambulance to take me back!

Oh, but once the adrenaline rush was over...that's when the pain trickled in. Slowly but surely my legs felt sore. My legs are still sore each time I climb the stairs or even walk!

I guess I asked for it!

Can't fight it

As much as I'd hate to admit this, I'm moody! I try to keep a 'happy-go-lucky' attitude most of the time, but can't hold it up all the time. The mind is powerful, I try to tell myself to stay optimistic but sometimes hormones take over! Friggin, I'm feeling happy one moment and then the next I'm almost in tears. You poor souls who have to deal with me when this happens...good luck!

And yes, right now I'm feeling moody & need attention.

Can't fight it

As much as I'd hate to admit this, I'm moody! I try to keep a 'happy-go-lucky' attitude most of the time, but can't hold it up all the time. The mind is powerful, I try to tell myself to stay optimistic but sometimes hormones take over! Friggin, I'm feeling happy one moment and then the next I'm almost in tears. You poor souls who have to deal with me when this happens...good luck!

And yes, right now I'm feeling moody & need attention.

A sure sign of too much fun

I had so much fun celebrating my birthday this year. I've found the foul-proof method now...kekeke, it involves good friends (old & new), good food, loud music, dancing and of course some alki.

I was a little uncertain if all my friends would get along, but alcohol prooved itself useful once again! hee hee, everyone is so friendly when drunk! I love all my friends -- mmmuuuuahhh!!

But fun has it's price. I had so much fun I ended up losing my clutch, which included my cell, DL, CareCard & $200. Why me, why me?? Now to get replacements...crap! For the person who took off with it...KARMA!!!

No, I'm not mad

How many times have I said "No, I'm not mad" but was actually fuming inside? Too many to count! Why is it difficult to to admit that I'm mad? Even when asked, I generally reply with "No, I'm not mad".

Perhaps I just want to think that I'm a more forgiving person and that by not admitting to it; I would eventually forget about being mad? Or perhaps I feel that you should know better...why do I need to tell you?! Grrrr!

Eh, either way I'm twisted. Oh well. Gotta take me as I am...damaged and twisted!

That Kinda Girl

I don't want to be the needy girl...but does this make me that girl?

I need to be cherished.
I need to know that I am important.
I need to be reassured of where I stand from time to time...I can not be expected to 'just know'.
I am not ok with being ignored and pushed aside.
I am unique & special and need to be treated that way.
I will not be taken for granted.
I am afraid of getting hurt...but I will try to trust again.

I want to feel the sun on both sides; to love and be loved.

You Are?

Almost been a whole week since the night out with Stinky's bro from New York. A night that was full of laughs for all...except me! Should've stayed home...should've stayed home.

Isn't it supposed to be the teenage years that is the most difficult for peer pressure? Not necessarily true for all I guess. Why me? Why me? (Famous words from kLa)

It was great to see Goldfinger, Stinky, Spooner and Stinky's bro - Smelly? Weird names! I guess I should ask how these names came about one day...

All I can say is Thank God I only drink with my friends and not strangers...thanks for watching out for me! :)

Oh yeah, our new comeback = You Are! or You! (eh, New Yorkers!?)

Oh no you don't!

Who do you think you are? There are 3 lanes merging into one...everyone is taking their turn to get in. Why do you think you get to budge in front of these people and try to get in front? Some drivers might have been intimidated by your agressive maneuvering, but hell I'm not letting you in! Chuh! I've been waiting in this line as long as anyone else here. You DO NOT get to zoom past from the farthest lane and cut in.

Then when I don't let you have your way, you have the audacity to give me the finger from your minivan full with passengers? You are such a loser! You can make your stupid faces and stick your finger out as much as you like...I will just give you my 'smug' wave from my car. BLEH! Loser! May you dent your car and get some bad karma!

I'm not scared of you! CHUH!

My ideal

In no particular order:

• 5'10++ (ok fine, just taller than me in heels)
• Honest
• Loyal
• Kind
• Generous
• Funny
• Confident (not vain)
• Wants & CAN play with kids and not be intimidated
• Can speak Chinese (so I can speak in code at work!)
• Will love me LOTS!
• And of course, be able to carry me fireman style!

Gung Hey Fat Choy!

Why is 'Gung Hey Fat Choy' the first thing that comes to mind when people mention Chinese New Year? Is it directly linked to why the Chinese community is so obsessed with money? 'Gung Hey Fat Choy' does not mean 'Happy New Year' but actually directly translates to 'May You Have Great Fortune'. Weird.

Wow, I can't remember when was the last time I went to see the Lion Dance Parade in Chinatown! Chinese New Year used to be such an exciting time. It meant lots of lucky red envelopes (filled with spending money for the year) and eating tons of deep fried foods you don't usually get to eat. Then of course there was the Dragon & Lion Dances in the Parade in Chinatown. Now, I'm not too sure I actually looked forward to this part...but I went anyways. Truth is, I was always a little afraid of the lively Lion costumes. They had such life & power in their eyes! But since my dad thought I enjoyed it very much, I played along.

This has all been long forgotten...but it all came back to me today as I ventured into the streets of Chinatown. Surprisingly, I had a very enjoyable time. (Despite having to stand on my tiptoes most of the time to just look between the cracks of people's heads. And for some odd reason, 6'++ people still felt they needed to stand on their tiptoes to see too?)

Thanks to IT for bringing back the young Lychee.

Happy Chinese New Year! Sum Serng See Sing!

Reading

Is it easy to read someone's intentions? I guess to some it may be easy...but it sure confuses me. The only thing I can read is a perverted old guy's expression - yeesh! Why me, why me? (K's favourite line!)

Anyhoo, today has been good and bad. We'll start with the good. Lychee received a wonderful surprise at work! A yummy gift from the IT department...how unexpected but delightful indeed! Hee hee, I was all smiles after that.

As for the bad...well, I've been fighting a cold/cough but it turned worse today. Why me, why me? And of all days, today? There goes all plans to hang out with friends. Sorry to all that I have disappointed tonight...I didn't mean to get this sick. =(

Well, I will self medicate until I see the doc in the morning. Wish me luck. Happy Valentine's Day everyone...Muahh!

Baby Steps

I'm taking tiny baby steps. To some it may seem painfully slow...but for me it's a BIG step. In order for me to take full steps, I will need time. It's like I've forgotten how to really run again. I will learn...just be patient with me.

Where's my voice?

Could it be the sake & Kettle One martinis? Or perhaps it was the deafening music from Lucy Mae Brown's that made me yell at the top of my lungs to be heard? Or perhaps it's the combination of all that plus my already scratchy voice and the Benylin Extra Strength pills? In any case, I barely have a voice right now. Coughing and can barely speak. Oh god, I'm in trouble!

Last night was a reminder to me that it is certainly a small world. AND, that is important to not burn bridges! =) Thank goodness for the wise teachings from Spooner and B. Listen to you friends!

yeah right!

Just updated myself with Spooner's blog...oh right, I forgot about this weekend!

New friend: 6'1-D-va, wants to meet a 6'1++ boy who can change his oil and car tires

Me: Are you serious D-va?

D-va: Honey, if he ain't at least 6'1 tall, he better make up for every inch by a $100,000 on his salary!

(thinking to myself - Holy crap! That's crazy.)

Me: Well, good luck to you. I think you'll have to move to Northern BC or head East cuz even the straight boys here are too metro for that! ahaha

(**sigh** I just want to be 'fireman' carried!) =P

uh oh

First signs of sickness for me...scratchy throat. I've got it. Darnit! I don't want to get sick again. hmmm...Neo-Citron to the rescue! You may think that's just my excuse to take this wonderful drug...and maybe it is true. But alas, better safe than sorry! kek kek...looking forward to another great sleep tonight! =P

Not so easy!

Lychee: I don't give out my number so easily...you'll have to work a little harder.

IT: I don't give out my email so easily...you'll have to work a little harder.

I couldn't stop laughing.

New record and old memories

Wow, it's been about a year since my last blood donation. It used to be a regular routine with my friend Arlene...she got me started on it. Arlene was always there by my side, to make sure I don't freak out from all the blood! ah ha, she was quite the good companion. Sadly, it has been over a year since Beans has left us.

Today at the blood clinic, I felt quite emotional. Every moment there reminded me of all the times we went together. Giggling each time we had to answer the very private questions..."haved you ever been with a man who's been with another man?" tee hee hee!

Now, it usually takes me over 12-16 minutes to collect enough blood to fill the bag. But today - well, I can hardly believe it myself...just over 6minutes! Woohoo! Wow, I was amazed! It was such smooth sailing from the start.

First, there was no line up to donate today. Then my blood sank right away in the iron tester - which means I'm good to donate. Then I had a nice chat with the friendly nurse. The needle went in so easily in one try. Before I realized, my blood flowed and filled the baggie! When the nurse took the needle out, this is usually when it really hurts, I didn't even feel it! It was so amazing.

I proceeded to the resting area and enjoyed 2 fudgeos with a glass of super sweet raspberry juice. Then I smuggled another pack to give Jordan (cuz he'd complain if he knew I went to donate but didn't bring him back some free cookies).

Beloved Arlene, even if you were with me today...I'd kick your butt with my new time! =) I hope you are truly happy where you are...I miss you.

What if?

Ever wonder...What if my whole life was a lie? What if my parents were not really my parents? What if I wasn't really an only child, but had brothers and sisters somewhere? What would I be like if I grew up in another place? Another time? Would I still be the person that I am now?...I'm guessing not.

What if I grew up in a farm in a rural part of China? What kind of a girl would I be? Would I be married and raising a family happily? Or would I be living unhappily with a husband I don't love, looking after children and being treated badly? Or would I be like I am now, stubborn and unwilling to conform? (Too many indy movies I guess)

What if my birthday is not really my birthday and I'm actually not the age I think I am? What if...what if...what ifs....my mind wonders a lot.

Crumbled

Total break down at work today. I've been really stressed with all the extra work I've had to help out with this week, but today was the day I crumbled to pieces. I'm not too sure what took me down, but around 2:30pm I just locked myself in a room and cried for about half an hour. What a weirdo?!? Why the heck was I crying? I was mad at myself for being so affected by useless people at work. I tried to tell myself to look at the big picture and that this reaction is just plain silly. But no good. I just had to let the tears fall. I hid in that room until I was cool and calm again.

How to get out of this slump? Eat at Hapa and have drinks of course! Many many drinks. Forget about the no alcohol diet...I need to chill out.

A story of forgiveness

This story was told to me recently and I think it is a beautiful story. Sad, but beautiful nonetheless. It goes like this:

A husband and wife have been married for over 30 years. They are both in their 60s and all their 3 children are grown. Around November last year, the couple have been arguing a lot. The wife is finding the husband unbearable and have decided to ignore him. Their children (all adults now and most with children of their own) grow more concerned as these arguments are becoming more frequent and harsh. The eldest daughter, which has the best relationship with her mom, confronts her. "Why are you arguing with dad so much lately? What's going on?" (The answer that follows this question knocked the wind out of me.) "My beloved daughter D, I thought I could let this all pass and forget, but I can not any longer. I have pushed these feelings of betrayal and distrust away for many years, but they have come back to haunt me. Now that you are a grown woman, I feel I can finally share this with you. When you were 12, and your brother and sister were both very young, your father had an affair. I found out about it and your father ended the affair. I loved your father dearly, but when I discovered that he was cheating me and his children, I was devastated. But, you were all very young so what should I do? I decided the best thing for the 3 of you was to continue being the complete family. It would only hurt you if you found out."

For more than 20 years, she lived for her children's happiness. Ignoring the hurt and pain from the incident...and never speaking of it until now. Yet, it's not true to say she doesn't love her husband also. But since the issue was never spoken of, nothing was resolved. There was always an ache in her heart.

December was a month filled with emotions and outbursts. By this time, the whole family (the adult children have long moved out of the house and to different parts of the world) is aware of what happened over 20 years ago. The children were not picking sides, but just hoped for their parents to resolve this long overdue confrontation.

January came and the children decided to all meet up with mom and dad, bringing along their grandchildren to share the love. Everyone is having a wonderful time, including the feuding couple. But suddenly, the elderly dad/grand-dad was struck with a heart attack. He was immediately rushed to the hospital, but there was nothing they could really do. His body was too weak from the shock and would not make it through.

Everyone was in tears. The wife stayed by his bedside the whole time. The doctors have been keeping him alive by putting him on life support...but soon they would have to release him.

With tears in her eyes, the wife held his hand with both hers and said "My love, I forgive you." And at that moment, the husband opened his eyes one last time...before he left this world forever.

This is a true story. Love & forgiveness.

When do I stop?

Ummm...is it wrong to look forward to taking Neo-Citron? I mean, I am sick...but is it normal to want to take it immediately when I get home from work? There are other cold remedies - but I'm really loving how the Neo-Citron makes me feel after I take it. It makes me fee like I'm in LaLaLand. So is there a problem here? I'm on my 7th day of taking this stuff...what's the recommended length of time to stay on this type of med? Oh well....kekkekeke, I'm already in LaLaLand at this moment so I will just enjoy! Muah!

Owwie? But how?

I'm up and about, feeling really good this morning from being all drugged up from cold medicine. My task today is to buy some groceries. As I walk down the stairs outside to the car, I realize my knee hurts. I ignore it. But as the day progresses the pain is more and more noticeable. When I return home, I head to the bathroom to check out my knee. I roll up my pant leg to see what's wrong. I notice that there is a slight scratch mark and a huge black bruise. What the heck?! How did that get there? I thought long and hard but I couldn't recall hitting my knee on anything these past couple of days. Dear god, what if I have that weird disease where you get bruises all over?? Eeks!! But wait...I remember now. I fell on my knees on NYE! ahhahahahahaha! It took a whole week for the bruise to develop and for me to feel pain. Is this what happens when you get old?

So Sick!

I'm so sick of being sick! Dangit! Just when I thought I was on the road to recovery...bham! I get worse. I'm so groggy right now...but also bored out of mind. My head hurts, my throat hurts, my fingers ache and my butt is sore from all this sitting! (excuse me as I go hack again...ok I'm back again) How lovely? Ok, time to sleep again. I've lost track of how many times I've taken a nap today. I hope I beat this soon...*KAPOW!* WHAM! **SMACK!**

Walls

I just finished watching The Painted Veil with a friend tonight. Which friend? Of course it’s either a girl or a guy who’s a girlfriend too. **sigh**…Why is it that I only feel comfortable around girls or gay guys? Basically, only people I know I won’t develop any type of feelings for? (Besides friendship that is) Have I become such a coward? It’s like I don’t want to let myself get passed a certain level of vulnerability. I always want to keep my guard up. If I feel I might be interested in someone, or vice versa, the walls go up and I distant myself. It’s a defense mechanism, I know. But how do I tell myself not to do it?

Well, let’s get back to the movie I watched tonight. The Painted Veil, with Edward Norton & Naomi Watts, was such a beautiful movie. To me it was about love, romance, forgiveness, selflessness and hidden agendas. Set back in time to 1925, men were gentlemen and women were ladies…at least on the outside. But behind closed doors, cheating, lying and deceit were all present. But this movie brings us to believe that love can grow with time. And with love, one can forgive. It was such a beautiful emotion to feel as the husband and wife eventually found each other. Uh oh, I might be giving too much of the movie away. I better stop here.

1.5 thumbs up (out of 2 thumbs of course!)

Till my next movie review!